Home > Uncategorized > Mark Twain & The Water Cure

Mark Twain & The Water Cure

By OTOOLEFAN

Waterboarding was first used during the Spanish Inquisition, so you know it wasn’t torture. This not nice to people technique was just a little more unpleasant than the Comfy Chair–and this was long before the advent of bottled water. Nowadays the experience is practically like a day at the Spa, at least according to those who have never experienced the sensation.

In 1898 when the United States colonized the Phillipines, we decided to try our hand at this not nice to people procedure using it on the Phillipino guerillas and anyone else that got in our way. Back then it was known as the water cure.

This act of imperialism and all its methods disgusted Mark Twain, who had originally been in favor of the liberation of Spain’s colonies, Cuba and The Phillipines.

Did waterboarding work back then? Let’s ask Mark Twain. This is what he had to say about it:

“To make them confess–what?” Twain asked. “Truth? Or lies? How can one know which it is they are telling? For under unendurable pain a man confesses anything that is required of him, true or false, and his evidence is worthless.”

But, hey, what did Mark Twain know about human nature anyway? He was no Dick Cheney.

Thank God.

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  1. @Marnus3
    April 28, 2010 at 9:04 am

    I’m sure Dick Cheney would not consider Mark Twain a REAL American.

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